Well, that’s an improvement. Not a perfect episode by any means, but much better than last week’s instalment of “Kwan Ha’s Magical Misadventures on Madrigal”.[1]

Before the episode started, I was treated to a slickly-produced advertisement for the United States Marine Corps. This left me thinking that Halo might not be the best show to use to recruit potential (United States) Marines, given that the UNSC Marines in the show are, uh, kind of fascist. And they tend to die horribly at the hands of multi-hued alien monstrosities. I much prefer the real-life ones. In the advertisement, they even had cool swords.[2]

The footage of the planet Criterion after it was glassed by the Covenant was graphically impressive, and helped to sell the size of the threat to humanity – I just feel like it would have worked better had it been shown much earlier in the season (perhaps in episode 2 or 3).

I noticed some really solid non-vocal (expressional?) acting in this episode, from John being happy he found a gift for Makee (and quickly hiding it), to Keyes’ nervousness while lying, to Halsey’s slight narrowing of the eyes at Cortana’s changing attitude.

The behind-the-scenes machinations of the UNSC higher-ups continue to be the show’s most predictably middling aspect. As usual, Captain Keyes’ lines are cheesy and ham-fistedly-written, but delivered with aplomb. His scene with Miranda was fun and makes me think that things would be better for both of them had he been a single dad. I was happy to see Miranda work out who was behind the garbled transmission – just a little bit too late. I can’t help but wish the show would let Miranda succeed once in a while, instead of being consistently stymied by her mother. Admiral Parangosky’s snippy-but-authoritative attitude is enjoyable, but, much like Miranda, I hope she can chalk up a “W” or two before Reach falls.[3] As it is, she seems doomed to a fate of getting eternally Punk’d by Halsey’s devious plots.

Side note: Halsey is getting so villainous it’s bordering on funny. I’d forgotten all about her scheme with the contacts from a couple of episodes back. She’s generally been handled well by the script – she’s smart, but never so ahead of the game that she seems omniscient. I think she’s got a couple of blind spots that will be her downfall – one, her absolute certainty that her creations will obey her, and, two, her creepy fucking assistant. That guy’s going to be a real turd in the punchbowl later on, calling it now. (I wrote the preceding paragraph before getting to the part of the episode where Cortana disobeyed orders to help Chief – look at me, being right).

I’m glad that Cortana is finally figuring out that Halsey’s a dickhead. An ingenious dickhead, but a dickhead nonetheless. Her decision toward the end of the episode to disobey Halsey and help the Chief was entirely predictable/inevitable, but nonetheless satisfying to see.

Chief and Makee’s relationship went from lukewarm to “oh, look, a sex scene!” faster than I expected (although I did expect it, given the end of Episode 6). I guess this episode is why the show needed an “intimacy coordinator.”[4] It’s no Game of Thrones, that’s for sure. That said, I don’t watch Halo for the sex scenes, and I thought it was tastefully handled (and not overlong). You know what wasn’t tasteful? The scene where Makee rips out her own fingernail implant. Fucking gross, dude. I can handle alien heads getting splattered all day, but post-coital fingernail removal is horrifying. There are lines, people.

Halsey’s coup didn’t have much setup, unless I missed some major developments in Episode 6. I knew she’d have access to base’s security systems, but the whole “Protocol Zed” thing felt…undercooked. Halsey said the Spartans had trained for it, which begs the question…did no one at the UNSC have a problem with that? “Oh, that’s just Halsey’s super-soldiers practicing a coup, I’m sure that won’t be a problem in the future…”

Kai is still my favorite member of Silver Team – this week, she gets to have some fun powerlifting Warthogs[5] while everyone else is moping around. There’s a neat little payoff later in the episode where she smashes her way out of the concrete bench the other Spartans handcuffed her to.

On the other hand, Riz and Vannak haven’t had much character development, which is a bit disappointing – the fight between the Spartans would have had a bit more emotional oomph if we had more sympathy for the “bad” side.

Cortana and Chief working as a real team during a fight for the first time warmed my icy, cynical heart. It was odd that this happened to be a fight with two other Spartans, but, fuck it, it worked with the plot of the show, so I won’t complain. Chief throwing around massive dumbbells – even while out of armor – was cool as hell, and made me briefly consider going to the gym. I was surprised to see Chief shoot at Vannak, but it makes sense that Chief would know how many shots the shields would take before breaking (and, thusly, presumably wasn’t trying to kill his teammate). Of course, Vannak then proceeds to Sparta-kick[6] Chief into the next dimension, so maybe he took it personally. The end of the Silver Team fight veers a little into WWE territory, with Chief getting thrown through so many props that I started to feel bad for the set designer. Vannak seemed just about ready to shoot Chief in the face at the end, which was odd, considering that he and Riz had orders to take him alive…but it set up Kai’s badass entrance to the brawl, so I’ll give the inconsistency a pass. Riz subsequently taking a pass on shooting Chief is a good example of Halsey overestimating her creations’ willingness to obey her edicts, although I’m sure Silver team will be having some uncomfortable conversations next week.

Back to Parangosky et al.: the tasers the UNSC uses are really inefficient. Like, good Lord, people, we have more effective ones today. You can buy them online! Just, you know, don’t use them on kids, or unarmed POWs. What a classic UNSC boondoggle, bringing Makee into the room with the artifact and letting her touch it right after pissing her off and threatening her. The inhumane taser didn’t work at all. I don’t reeeeally blame Chief for what happened (although, as mentioned above, their relationship felt rushed) – he trusted her, yeah, but he wasn’t the one who put her in the room with the artifact, tasered her, and started talking shit while she was within arm’s length of the thing.

Next week: the season finale, and almost certainly more Kwan. Hooray.

Rating: 5/10 (+1/-2)

[Bonus section: Predictions!]

When the season started, I was thinking it would end with the Pillar of Autumn’s arrival at the Halo ring – that’s still possible, but, given how the season has been going, I think it’s unlikely. The Covenant will probably respond to the signal emitted when Makee grabbed the artifact and arrive at Reach, but I doubt the episode will cover the fall of the entire planet – the show is simply juggling too many storylines right now. There’s no way we’re lucky enough to get two weeks in a row without Kwan, so some time will probably be dedicated to whatever dumb bullshit is happening on Madrigal. Makee will probably return to the Covenant after sharing some mournful, cinematic eye contact with Chief. At least one of the members of Silver Team is going to die, right? It would be more surprising if they didn’t. Halsey will do something villainous, probably at Parangosky or Miranda’s expense. I think the season will end on a cliffhanger, probably with Covenant reinforcements arriving above the planet after the heroes have achieved some sort of hard-fought victory. We’ll see.

---

[1] Again, no hate for the actress (Yerin Ha) – she does a good job with bad material (and a worse haircut).

[2] Just in case you didn’t know, I am in no way tough/badass enough to be in the Marines. Maybe the Halo marines, but not the real ones. Now that I think about it, I’d be a great UNSC Marine; I’m perfect cannon fodder, and occasionally deliver funny voice lines.

[3] I’m assuming that Reach is going to fall; this is, after all, one of the most important events in the “main” canon of the series, and I can’t see the TV show varying from it to such an extent.

[4] First pointed out (to me) by The Angry Joe Show, if I’m not mistaken. Highly recommend watching/subscribing on YouTube.

[5] The vehicle, not the swine-adjacent creature. The ‘Hog gets a couple of good moments this episode, including one where Cortana remotely controls one to aid Chief during the episode-ending Spartan fight.

[6] That’s a reference to both 300 and Halo. Do I win a prize?