I probably should have written reviews of all of these when they were a bit fresher, but shit happens. Let’s do this.

Spoiler warning in effect.

House of the Dragon (Season 2) (HBO)

Great acting and good pyrotechnics can’t save a season that feels like it’s swimming (flying?) in circles.

The “Blood and Cheese” scene in the premiere was executed really well[1] – horrific, as it should be, but without being graphically violent. The implication of something horrible happening is a lot more effective. That said, it was more fucked up in the books, so I was surprised that HBO went in the opposite direction.

Episode Four featured a lot of well-executed pyrotechnics, as well as some shots of Vhagar (Aemond’s dragon) that make the thing look like a fucking dinosaur. A cool, scary one, not a velociraptor with feathers.

Things kind of went downhill from there. Not in the sense that I knew they were going downhill – I only realized when we got to the end of the finale and nothing fucking happened. (Unless you count a second clandestine meeting between Alicent and Rhaenyra that accomplished absolutely nothing.)

I get that the show ran into budgetary issues, but if budgetary issues are going to be a thing because it’s expensive to make dragons, maybe don’t make a show that’s based around dragons? I dunno, I’m just spitballing here.

My low-key favorite character of the season was Aegon, played by Tom Glynn-Carney. He comes across as a well-meaning lacrosse bro who’s very much out of his depth but wants to do the right thing…while still being an inconsiderate dick some of the time.

Overall – good acting and a nice dragon battle does not a good season make. A passable one? Yeah, very much so. To me, at least. But passable isn’t what a show should aim for.

Score: 6.75/10 (+.5/-1.25)

The Boys (Season 4) (Prime Video)

It was fine…but, much like House of the Dragon, I got the distinct feeling that it was buying time before the big showdown begins. There’s only so long they can put off Homelander going nuts before people tune out, and this season is stretching it.

Alas, poor Hughie. He had a tough season. I mean, fuck, pretty much everyone did, other than A-Train, who got to have a nice redemptive arc. I appreciated that.

Ryan’s heel(ish) turn felt a bit forced, with a series of people being shitty to him at just the wrong time. I mean, this kid used to make stop-motion Lego movies! Now he’s breaking his surrogate grandma’s neck and walking off stonefaced. It just feels like his character is being used as a plot device, instead of, you know, a character.

The cast’s trip to a farm full of V’d-up animals was a standout: the sequence was amusing in a gorily sophomoric kind of way (classic Boys). Stan Edgar (Giancarlo Esposito)’s reappearance was a treat, as well.

Miscellaneous notes:

– I liked Sister Sage – although her final plan seemed to come together a bit out of the blue. I hope the showrunners don’t use her intelligence as too much of a narrative crutch next season.

– Web-Weaver’s, uh, situation was fucking haunting. What a horrific example of spider-powers gone wrong.

– Tek-Knight’s party felt like a lamer version of last season’s Herogasm.

– Kimiko and Frenchie finally got together, which was cool, but Frenchie’s fling with the guy whose parents he murdered was really, really uncomfortable to watch. Because, you know, he murdered the guy’s parents.

– This season’s more comedic meta aspects were fun – Will Ferrell’s turn as himself playing A-Train’s running coach in a movie was snicker-worthy.

– The fight in the Flatiron Building was great, from Annie and Butcher’s surprised reactions to Black Noir 2’s ability to talk to A-Train saving Annie from The Deep. I just wish one of the baddies had gotten taken out…

At the end of the day: better than an “average” TV show, but nothing to write home about.

Score: 7/10 (+.5/-.5)

Elden Ring: Shadow of the Erdtree (PS5)

What a ride! And a tough one, too.

 Ultimately, I had to trot out my Michelin Man build one last time. I swapped out my dual-katana loudout for thicc boi armor, the biggest shield I could find, and a pokey bit of metal. It did the job more than adequately. Happy trails, Radahn, you fuck! And that weird lil’ guy riding around on your back.[2]

The “Legacy Dungeons”  were really impressive this go-around, with intricately-intertwined layouts that reminded me of the good old days of Dark Souls and inspired boss fights that provided both a challenge and some excellent loot.

Some people might be rubbed the wrong way by the DLC’s use of “Scadutree Fragments” to scale up players’ power levels, but I didn’t mind it too much, especially once I found a few upgrades.

The DLC area’s art direction was, unsurprisingly, phenomenal, particularly in a fiery mountaintop and a pair of flower-strewn plateaus. Picturesque, if what was in the picture was a giant hippopotamus that wants you dead.

From Software is known for putting secret areas in their games, but they really went the extra half-marathon with this one. I’d say I would have missed probably a third of the content available in Shadow of the Erdtree had I not spent an inordinate amount of time looking into it on the internet.

As far as criticisms go, I think that the Spirit summons available in the DLC were a bit underwhelming, and that the final boss felt a bit…heavy-handed, if that makes sense. The aforementioned super-secret areas were in character for the developer, but nonetheless made me raise an eyebrow.

Still, if a raised eyebrow is the worst I’ve got, then you made a damn fine video game. (Or DLC, in this case.)

Score: 9.5/10 (+.25/-.5)

Stellar Blade (PS5)

This game helped me realize that I really don’t like bangs that much. I mean, sometimes they’re nice, but the fact that I went out of my way to unlock other haircut options in this game is…telling.

When it comes to combat (and most of the game is combat), Stellar Blade isn’t quite a 10/10, but it’s flashy, fluid and fun. There are a mind-boggling number of special moves and abilities to unleash on your foes – a number that might be too much to juggle if they weren’t doled out at an expert pace. Newcomers to Devil May Cry-esque combat games like this might have a hard time coming to grips with the abundance of move types, but, once you get a handle on everything, Stellar Blade’s combat opens up beautifully.

The game’s commonly-encountered enemies aren’t particularly exciting, but the bosses are fun, notwithstanding some difficulty spikes sharper than a dirty razor taped under a movie theater seat. That said, they’re all learnable, and none of the bosses stick in my mind as being particularly unfair.

The open-world sections are pretty uninspired – lots of drab wastelands and concrete ruins – but I found the more linear segments to be enjoyably varied, give or take a subway exploration sequence or two. As an aside, do we really need more subway sequences in video games? Are they the water levels of this era of gaming? It’s been done more than Donald Trump’s steaks.[3]

The story, which I only half-paid attention to, reminded me of Nier: Automata’s in some ways…then again, maybe it was just the scantily-clad robots. The characters were likeable enough, if not tremendously memorable, and I didn’t expect (or need) much more.

When it comes to fan service, the game’s an 11/10 – prurient, without making me feel yucky.

…but maybe I’m just a neanderthal.[4]

Score: 8.75/10 (+.25/-1.25)

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[1] Just like one of Aegon’s kids. Rimshot.

[2] Yeah, I know who the weird lil’ guy is, but I don’t feel like contextualizing it for those who don’t.

[3] That’s a non-partisan statement. The man is on record as saying he likes his steaks extremely well-done, and I’m not passing judgment on that here.

[4] I am definitely a neanderthal.