Tag: Xbox
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Review (kind of): Sable
[Played on Xbox Series S.] I really wanted to like this. I did! And I feel bad about the way it ended, like a relationship with a sweet girl who you ultimately just don’t match up that well with, if that girl also asked you to do annoying fetch quests for beetles. But I’m…
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The Joys of Playing LA Noire While Drunk
I have a confession to make: I never finished LA Noire, Rockstar’s 2011 open-world(ish) detect-‘em-up. This places it in an elite category alongside the likes of 2017’s Prey – that is, titles that I feel mildly guilty for not finishing. I can’t recall exactly why I stopped playing Noire in the first place; it might…
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Extremely Late Impressions of the Xbox Series S
Yeah, I know this thing came out in the Bronze Age. I’m a Luddite. Sue me.[1] Long story short, I spent my tax refund on a Series S, which arrived yesterday, within 12 hours of ordering. One-day shipping is nice, but also makes me wince at how hard my grandfather would slap me for being…
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Review: Halo (TV Series), Season 1, Episode 9
Ugh. Alright, fine. To steal a quote from The Walking Dead,[1] let’s fuck this dog. Last week, I predicted that Reach would fall, Kwan Ha would show back up, and at least one member of Silver Team would die. I was wrong about…all of those. Expectations subverted? Let’s go through the episode from the beginning.…
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Review: Halo (TV Series), Season 1, Episode 8
Well, that’s an improvement. Not a perfect episode by any means, but much better than last week’s instalment of “Kwan Ha’s Magical Misadventures on Madrigal”.[1] Before the episode started, I was treated to a slickly-produced advertisement for the United States Marine Corps. This left me thinking that Halo might not be the best show to…
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Review: Halo (TV Series), Season 1, Episode 7
I have an inkling that this episode of Halo is going to be considered the low point of an uneven season (at least, I hope so). In future discourse, it might even attain the coveted status of “much-maligned”. Let’s start with the fly in the ointment – Kwan Ha. Oh, Kwan Ha. She of the…
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An Ode to Chivalry II’s Commendation Feature
When you die in Chivalry II, several things happen. For one, you are treated to a death animation that almost inevitably resembles a crash test dummy in a dynamite factory. The game naturally informs you who killed you (his name is g00chl0rd69) and how (a battleaxe to the arms, head, and groin). What’s interesting, though,…
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Review: Dying Light 2
I’ve never played a game that felt as much like doing work as Dying Light 2. Starting this thing up feels like clocking in to a nine-to-five shift at the asbestos mine. Now, a reasonable person would have stopped playing after an hour or so – but you didn’t come here to read reviews written…