Don’t worry: despite what you may have heard, I did not perish in an entirely-preventable zeppelin fire. I did, of course, end up trapped in the Australian Outback for several weeks with two broken legs and a herd of predatory kangaroos hunting me, but that’s a tale for another time.

Anyway, you read the title, so you know I’m not going to be reviewing Ahsoka (available on Disney+). The reason? Simple: I don’t give a single shit about it.

That’s kind of a sad thing to say, really. I really loved the Star Wars franchise growing up, as did a ton of people in generations both before and since…but Disney’s relentless march of bad-to-subpar Star Wars content (not including the wonderful Andor) has really sapped my enthusiasm for the whole thing. I’m not even mad: I just don’t care anymore. It feels like the core of modern Star Wars is just Dave Filoni mashing his action figures together while he shoots us dirty looks for not watching Star Wars Rebels…and I’ve got better things to do with my time, like watching paint dry, or spending so long on the toilet that my legs fall asleep.

On the bright side, I’ve got a few fun articles in the works as I write this – although none are quite at the “publishable” stage just yet (and I’d rather take a while to make something decent than embarrass myself by putting out incomplete work). Here’s some of what you can expect in the coming weeks:

-The Best (Only?) Way to Make Final Fantasy More Confusing: Booze

-What is Phonk? A Journey of Musical Discovery

-A Review or Feature covering Armored Core 6

-What if World Leaders Were DLC Mortal Kombat Characters?

And from our contributing writers…

-The Paqui One Chip Challenge 2023: A Tragedy in Three Parts

-A Discussion of the Best and Worst Anime Intros