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Final Fantasy XVI: or, the Saga of Liquid Clive
This isn’t a review. If it was a review, I’d be talking at least some about the things I enjoyed in this game (good music, nice graphics, a solid trio of core characters, expansive and well-presented lore) – but right now I just feel like complaining. It’s easier to be funny when I’m being negative,…
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Grimace Does Japan
So I did some mashups of Grimace x Japanese pop culture… (I’ve been tweeting these at McDonalds’ Japanese branch but they haven’t replied yet.) “Mobile Suit Grimace” “Grimace vs. MechaGrimace” “Neon Grimace Evangelion” “Berserk: The Golden Arches Arc” “Pokemon: Grimace” Hit me with suggestions if you’ve got ’em.
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Aggressive Drift: A Journey Into Phonk
“The phonk is the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end. The phonk was here before you, and it shall be here when you are gone. When all of us are but dust and ash, blown on a dead wind beneath a dead sky, only the phonk shall remain.” -Mahatma Gandhi, probably[1] …
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Why I’m Not Reviewing Ahsoka, and Some Other Updates
Don’t worry: despite what you may have heard, I did not perish in an entirely-preventable zeppelin fire. I did, of course, end up trapped in the Australian Outback for several weeks with two broken legs and a herd of predatory kangaroos hunting me, but that’s a tale for another time. Anyway, you read the title,…
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Interview: Kazuhira “Buster” Johnson, Game Director (Part II)
(If you haven’t read Part 1 of this interview, you can check it out here) Hitler’s hookah is smaller than I’d expected: one would think that the Fuhrer would have relied upon some overwrought device of Volkshalle-ian proportions, but what I’m presented with is almost…dainty. Even though there are no swastikas on the bowl, I…
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Grimy Prison Yard Brawls: Who Did It Better?
You know what nobody asked for? An article comparing the extraordinarily-grimy prison yard brawls featured in the films Extraction 2 (the sequel to Extraction) and The Raid 2: Redemption (the sequel to The Raid). Why am I writing this? You might as well ask why people sometimes shit in urinals – because I found the…
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I Had ChatGPT Write Apologies From Game Studios
Half-assed apologies from game development studios have become almost par for the course these days – it feels like every other title that gets released comes along with a “We’re Sorry” note (or video) posted by the relevant studio on their twitter account after the negative reviews start to roll in. These digital vomit-pools (the…
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Interview: Kazuhira “Buster” Johnson, Game Director
The trip to Kazuhira Johnson’s compound, located in the scalding wastes of the Nevada desert, is shorter than expected. This is because the driver sent to pick me up, a mute albino the size of one of Shaquille O’Neal’s bigger shits, has a propensity for speeding (in both the vehicular and pharmaceutical senses). We pull…
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The Eye of Argon: A Literary Analysis (Part 2)
Alright, so calling this an “analysis” is like calling what they serve at Arby’s “meat,” but that’s just life – sometimes the people you trust tell you horrible lies in order to get pageviews. Today we’ll be looking further into Jim Theis’ fantasy epic “The Eye of Argon”. Although the version that I’ve been referencing…
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Review: The Mandalorian, Season 3, Eps. 6-8 (Disney+)
Let’s call a spade a spade: this season of Mando was more uneven than my heart rate, and the last three episodes really exemplified a lot of the problems I had with this season as a whole. I put off writing this review because, honestly, I just didn’t find the end of the season…